...I'm not perfect.
The wonderful MommaK recently wrote a thought-provoking post that has inspired me to write about something I've been scratching my head about for a few months. What kind of person do I come across as here on this blog?
I suppose we all have blog personas, but I have never consciously tried to create one. In fact, I usually write more about things that I observe (translation: my children) than about myself. Sometimes when I get your nice comments, though, I worry that I come across here as too perfect. I hope not.
What I think I portray here is life as I see it. I'm a big picture person. (Translation: type B personality. Translation 2: unorganized; head in the clouds.) I am also an optimist. That means the big picture stuff and the happy thoughts are what win out and bubble to the top in that crazy pot of thoughts that is my brain.
Just in case you are interested, here are some things about me that have not made it to a post lately.
1. I am a klutz. I bump into things like table tops and the corners of desks. I have bruises on my legs to show it.
2. I never have and never will be called "Martha Stewart." When I make a birthday cake it is plain, simple, and lopsided and I am damn happy that it didn't fall apart. I am not crafty, as much as I would like to be. When I do succeed at a craft I have had to work my butt off, and what I produce is only passable, but I am damn proud of it because I tried.
3. My average on cooking is just that...average. Sometimes I hit the ball out of the ball park, and other times I fail miserably. I've got two kids that grab things from countertops and start digging into cupboards when I cook. My oldest is trying to help, and my toddler simply has her hardest time in the late afternoon and she pulls at my pants and my heartstrings if I just glance at the stove. Cooking generally is only a happy experience for me when I have company here to play with them and keep them happy.
4. My oldest daughter is a better dresser than I am.
5. I DO get impatient. I often feel like Mrs. Marsh in Little Women who has to go out of the room and count to 10 because she has such a temper. Sometimes I want to scream at the cereal that has just been thrown on the floor but am able to keep a thin smile on my face. Sometimes I really do feel calm in the midst of chaos. And once in a while I've hit the wall and I lose control and at those moments I am a not a good mother. Why don't I write about these times? Because I don't know how to write about them in a way that is helpful to me. And it is impossible to write about these moments without writing about loved ones whose privacy in these matters I don't want to violate. I have also tried, and not been successful at, writing about things that are very painful to me.
6. If I love you and you are in my family, then you know me as a feisty lass. I don't put up with any baloney. I also have been known to get defensive. On the flip side, if I don't know you very well, I come across as too nice.
7. I lose things too often. When I lose things I get impatient.
8. I have a compulsive/impulsive disorder. I'm not sure what it means, but I have it. It has something to do with wanting to be a type A person, but really being a type B person. I have been writing schedules my whole life and wanting to follow them, but never have been able to because deep down I'm impulsive. The impulsive/compulsive disorder also has something to do with having an impulse to do something compulsive, like blog or eat chocolate ice-cream.
9. I am currently soaking my toenail nightly in vinegar to rid it of a fungus that has been there for too long. I have not wanted to take the drugs that also solve the problem because they are supposed to destroy the kidneys or something like that. I've had to keep my toenails painted to hide my problem, but once I beat this sucker, I'm going to put a clear polish on and flaunt my healthy toenail. Yay! What? Don't say ewwwwww.
10. I don't get my hair done often enough. I need to make an appointment tomorrow.
Now aren't you happy the big picture stuff wins out more often?
Anyway, in the end I get things done. My life moves forward. My kids are happy and generally a joy to be around when they are not driving me batty (unless they have missed a nap). I give them love, enjoy them, and keep them in line as much as I can. My hair might be only half brushed and I may not bring the best appetizers at any party, but people generally seem to like being around me. I think my friends would describe me as "easy" to be with. I am at an age where I have learned to claim my strengths, as I admit my weaknesses. My strength is my ability to listen, to see people for who they are and appreciate their unique strengths.
The truth is: I am not perfect, and no one in my family is, but because I am a big picture person, in my eyes, my life IS perfect.
The good news is: I probably see your life as perfect, too.
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I know an impulsive person should never promise to post anything specific, but the compulsive side of me wants to say that my next post will be the "Is two enough?" post. The compulsive side of me wants to say, I'll post it over the weekend. The impulsive side me might post it earlier.
I hope you know that....
